Disappear
by NothingButAMemory
Summary: It's as if he never existed...
1. Prologue

Title: Disappear

Summary: It's as if he never existed…

Disclaimer: I will only say this once. I mean it! I do not now, nor is it likely thatI ever will Own Yu Yu Hakusho. If I ever need to put a disclaimer on another chapter for something else, I will, but not for anything Yu Yu Hakusho realted ever again. So there.

* * *

Author's Note: Written for a challenge by Katzztar. I was bored. What can I say. It'll be an interesting challenge… let's see if I can keep it going!

_Thoughts

* * *

_

Somewhere deep inside the Reikai Palace, on one of the topmost floors, a small circular room entombed with more beings than normal to. Usually, only a toddler and his enormous stacks of endless paperwork, accompanied by the occasional ferry girl or ogre, filled the office, contented to work alone.

Today, however, three more people joined him.

One, sitting cross-legged on the only couch, seemed annoyed. He kept running his fingers through his black hair, which held an excessive amount of gel. He had donned a white T-shirt and some blue jeans for the occasion. His deep brown eyes focused on the usual occupant of the room, the toddler prince of the spirit world.

Aforementioned toddler continued to ignore his Spirit Detective pointedly, stamping documents and occasionally reading them. His oddly shaped hat perched on the edge of the much-too-large desk, threatening to topple onto the floor. His formal wardrobe made a shuffling sound every time he moved, adding to the aggravating tension in the quiet room.

A tall man with bright red hair stood patiently in almost the exact center of the room, also gazing at his employer through his emerald eyes. His gaze, however, was calmer, more relaxed. His delicate face gave no hint of what he might have been thinking, though it must have been pretty deep. He wore some dark green slacks and a lighter green top, neatly tucked in. Overall, he looked somewhat like he had come from a formal event.

The third being practically melded with the shadows. He wore baggy black pants and a black tank top, covered by a sweeping black cape. He was by far the shortest of the visitors. He seemed bored, almost annoyed, as the first was. His hair defied gravity, standing straight up, a strange starburst formation serving as bangs. Unlike the others, he had his eyes closed, though if they had been open, you would have viewed eyes as red as the blood of his previous victims.

Yusuke sighed impatiently from his position on the comfortable couch in Koenma's office. He continued to stare at the young ruler of Reikai, burning metaphoric holes into his head.

And Koenma knew it. He had called Yusuke, Kurama, and Hiei to his office over an hour ago, and had yet to say anything besides 'please have a seat'. He could sense the Spirit Detective's restlessness, as well as the growing impatience of the kitsune and kajihenge. Koenma sighed as well; he couldn't afford to put off the news any longer.

"I called you here under, I admit, very strange circumstances." Koenma looked from person to person. "You all remember the Dark Tournament, correct?"

"How could we forget?" murmured Kurama.

Koenma nodded. "The human that assisted you--"

"Is something wrong with Kuwabara? That oaf got himself in trouble again, didn't he? I bet someone took that stupid cat of his, again. What was its name? Echiki or something?" Yusuke began. He took a deep breath to continue before Koenma cut him off.

"No, Yusuke. Kuwabara is not in trouble, as far as I know," the child-ruler intoned, looking skeptically at Yusuke. "Actually, the reason I called you here," his tone became rather serious, carrying a foreboding note, "is that he has disappeared."

The room was silent for a brief moment.

Yusuke shook his head in confusion and frustration. "You dragged us away from our lives to tell us that Kuwabara decided he doesn't like us anymore and left? I don't see that much of a problem."

Green eyes bored into Koenma's brown orbs, the prince unable to break the intimidating gaze. "I believe there is something more to this, Yusuke, is that not correct, Koenma?" inquired Kurama in that deadly soft voice of his.

Koenma nodded. "Indeed. It seems that Kuwabara has not only vanished from Japan, he has vanished from all records we have. No trace of him remains at all. No trackers have been able to locate him. There has not been a sign of him in any of the three worlds for over a week. It's as if he never existed."

* * *

Author's Note: Eh… yeah. That was short. It'll get better, promise. I don't know when Kuwabara will show up, but I _think _it'll be soon. Then again, I really don't know what's happening in this fic yet… I might have broken my own rule and posted it without being completely done… eh, whatever. Point is: I'll update when I can, but I have school and junk, so I don't know how long it'll be because I need to actually be able to come up with something first.

So review! I want to know how I'm doing! Do I rock? Do I suck? Should I quit writing this story? I don't care what you say, just tell me something!

Ja ne!

Amaya


	2. New Life

Author's Note: Now… since this is supposed to be Kuwabara centered, I'm going to go ahead and put Kuwabara in it. That way I don't have to contemplate when he should come in. - I've also decided this will be a song-fic… if I can find enough songs that fit the chapters, that is. In any case, this chapter is a song-fic, so… Anyway, I guess the first few chapter will be kinda short. Just a warning.

Disclaimer: I do not own the song Missing by Evanescence.

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_Thoughts_

_--Song --

* * *

_

Chapter 1

"New Life"

* * *

Kazuma Kuwabara shoved his hands in the pockets of his loose jeans, head full of orange hair bowed against the rain. People ran past him, attempting to find cover. Occasional shouts of 'hey, Katsu' reached his ears, though he only acknowledged these people with a slight wave of his hand.

_--Please, please forgive me_

_But I wont be home again--_

Here in Kanazawa where he had been living for the past few weeks, he was well known and liked. They did not know him as 'Kuwabara' or 'Oaf'. They did not think of him as and idiot or a moron that could do nothing, was weak and powerless.

_--Maybe some day you'll look up_

_And barely conscious you'll say to no one_

"_Isn't something missing?"--_

Here, he was Katsu Tabero. Here he was courageous and strong. He was helpful and generous, always willing to aid, never turning down a favor for a noble cause. The perfect gentleman.

_--You wont cry for my absence I know_

_You forgot me long ago_

_Am I that unimportant?_

_Am I so insignificant?_

_Isn't something missing?_

_Isn't someone missing me?--_

Yes, Kanazawa was, he decided, the perfect place to start anew.

_--Even though I'm the sacrifice_

_You wont try for me, not now_

_Though I'd die to know you love me--_

So many reasons to leave Tokyo (a/n: or wherever they were), so many reasons to find a new place. First and foremost in Kuwabara's mind was his reputation. In a new place, where no body knew him, he could be anyone he wanted. Second were the people. The citizens of Kanazawa were so much nicer. They didn't treat him like crap or insult him at every turn.

_--I'm all alone_

_Isn't someone missing me--_

Sure, he missed his old friends, his sister, his home, but he had Eichiki.

_--Please, please forgive me_

_But I wont be home again_

_I know what you do to yourself--_

That was another thing. The people here loved his kitten, and no one tried to take her for blackmail. Eichiki was safer here than she'd ever been in Tokyo (a/n: or wherever they were).

_--I breath deep and cry out_

"_Isn't something missing?_

_Isn't someone missing me?"--_

It had taken a while, and some careful planning on his part, but Kuwabara had finally managed to get hold of all his records. Of course, convincing the ogres and such that Koenma had sent him, and mostly that they needn't check with the ruler, had been the hardest part. Breaking into city hall in Ningenkai had been far easier, for the security would never compare to that on the palace in Reikai.

_--Even though I'm the sacrifice_

_You wont try for me, not now_

_Though I'd die to know you love me_

_I'm all alone_

_Isn't someone missing me--_

It had taken even more courage to go through with his plan, and he had burned the folders and loose papers instantly, afraid that he would have lost his nerve if he waited. Now, no trace of his existence remained.

_--And if I bleed, I'll bleed_

_Knowing you don't care--_

Then again, if anyone really took the time to investigate his new identity, they would discover that Katsu Tabero had died at the age of 45, killed in a police shoot out with numerous others. He had had no family to speak of, and was one of those people that the world forgets instantly. That had made him the perfect person to impersonate.

_--And if I sleep just to dream of you_

_And wake without you there--_

Kuwabara slipped a small silver key out of his pocket, turning it in the door of his apartment. Inside, he threw off the blue light-weight jacket, reveling in the warmth of his new home.

_--Isn't something missing?_

_Isn't something--_

The apartment was pretty nice, he supposed. The bedroom was comfortably sized with room enough for a bed, desk, and small TV set. The walls were a soft caramel color, accented by white trim around the window. The living room housed a much larger television, its white walls impeccably clean. A beige couch and matching sofa faced the screen, a small fireplace beside them. Stains decorated the grey carpet in places, though the apartment was mostly clean. The kitchen wasn't much, really. A long, thin counter, a stainless steel sink, an old refrigerator and freezer in the corner, and some cherry wood cupboards and drawers. The bathroom wasn't something to talk about either. Its grey tiled floors were clean, but water stains coated the sink and counter. The small shower hid partially behind the door, right next to the toilet.

_--Even though I'm the sacrifice_

_You wont try for me, not now--_

No, it wasn't much, but it was home. At least, it was home to Kuwabara. Not many people came to visit him, so he had much free time. Sometimes, in his more lonely moments, he would contemplate writing to his old friends, or calling them, just to see how life was going on without him.

But that would have destroyed the whole point of disappearing.

_--Though I'd die to know you love me_

_I'm all alone--_

He bet they were having a great time.

He wondered how his sister was doing.

_--Isn't some thing missing?--_

Oh, he missed them…

_--Isn't someone missing me?--_

_

* * *

_

To my reviewers:

sukiminamino: First one! Yay! Anyway, thanx! I appreciate the compliment! I try to be as acurate as I can, so it's nice to know I'm doing good!

GreyRoseRantings: Thanx to you, too! I liked the idea, too (hence the story), but now he's back (sort of). It's exactly how I wanted it to go, and this chapter felt somewhat wrong to me, but I posted it anyway!

KawaiiSess68: I suppose Hiei or Kurama would have fit, too, but the callenge is about Kuwabara, and that's who needed to disappear. Keep reviewing!

JovianShe-Wolf: Apparently not, ne? He just didn't feel apreciated, sadly.

Katzztar: Um... yeah... let's go with the several years thing. It's not so much and AU, though I suppose it could be considered as such, if the reader wanted to.

kuwalover: I'm seriously not trying to make Kuwabara an oaf, honestly. If I do, then it's completely unintentional, and I am sorry for doing so. Anyway, I don't plan to discontinue this fic, so you can rest easy. I have this thing about starting something and then not finishing, so it'll get done, even if it takes me a while.

Thanks to all of you! -

Now, everyone must review because I said so!

Ja ne!

Amaya


	3. Impossible

Author's Note: It took me a while to find another song, and it still doesn't seem completely right to me… Anyway, this chapter came pretty easily once I started writing, so maybe it'll be better than the last one.

* * *

_Thoughts_

_--Song--

* * *

_

Disclaimer: I do not own the song 'Photograph' by Nickelback.

* * *

Chapter 2

"Impossible"

* * *

Yusuke flopped down on the couch beside Keiko. The brunet turned her attention from the television to Yusuke, who she could sense was troubled. Maybe she could help… 

"Yusuke? What's wrong?" she inquired, concern lacing her voice and shining in her chocolate eyes.

_--Look at this photograph  
Every time I do it makes me laugh--  
_

Yusuke ran his hand through his black hair distractedly. "Nothing," he lied.

"Yusuke!" Keiko could tell he was lying, and she didn't like it.

_--How did our eyes get so red?  
And what the hell is on Joey's head?--  
_

The hanyou sighed. "Kuwabara's gone."

Keiko nodded. "Yeah. Shizuru told me a couple days ago."

…

"You knew!"

_--This is where I grew up  
I think the present owner fixed it up  
I never knew we ever went without  
The second floor is hard for sneakin' out--  
_

"Um… yeah. She said he just disappeared. Went to bed early one night, was gone in the morning. Why are you so surprised?"

"Koenma just told us yesterday. We've been out looking for him since." Yusuke paused for a moment, staring off at a wall, apparently lost in thought. "We can't track him. It's like Koenma said, he made it seem like he never existed."

_--This is where I went to school  
Most of the time had better things to do  
Criminal record says I broke in twice--  
_

Keiko looked worried. "What about his file in Koenma's office?"

"Gone."

"His scent? Surely Kurama or Hiei could track it."

"Sure they could… if there was any scent to follow."

_--I must've done it half a dozen times _

I wonder if it's too late  
Should I go back and try to graduate  
Life's better now than it was back then  
If I was them, I wouldn't let me in--

"How could he erase his scent, Yusuke?" Keiko demanded, rolling her eyes at Yusuke.

"I don't know, but he found a way!" the Spirit Detective snapped. Keiko looked slightly hurt.

_--Oh, oh, oh_

_Oh, god, I… I--  
_

"I was just trying to help," she muttered sulkily.

Yusuke sighed. "I'm sorry. I know you were; I'm just frustrated."

_--Every memory of looking out the back door  
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor  
It's hard to say, time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye--  
_

Keiko and Yusuke sat in silence for a moment before Keiko ventured another suggestion. "What about Hiei's Jagan?" she wondered.

"Can't find him."

"…It can't?"

_--Every memory of walking out the front door  
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for  
It's hard to say, time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye--_

"Nope."

"Wow. Kuwabara's done a really thorough job, hasn't he?"

Another sigh passed Yusuke's lips. "I guess so, Keiko."

* * *

_--Remember the old arcade  
Blew every dollar that we ever made--  
_

Hiei wandered the halls of Genkai's temple aimlessly. Something was bothering him. He couldn't find that ningen, not even with his Jagan. Honestly, he really didn't care that much that Kuwabara was gone. He'd never really liked the man, after all. It's just… he'd always been able to find people, no matter what. Maybe that wasn't all that was bothering him though.

The worst part of Kuwabara going MIA, was… Yukina. She was sad and depressed, and there was nothing Hiei could do about it. Nothing at all. Because she loved him. And hiei still couldn't find him, not even for his sister. Not that it was for a lack of trying; he'd been out searching Ningenkai and Makai all week, and he still hadn't located the 'moron', as Hiei dubbed him.

He couldn't help his imouto, and it frustrated him to no end.

"Hiei-kun?"

_--The cops hated us hangin' out  
They say somebody went and burned it down--  
_

Hiei spun quickly to face the voice. "Yukina," he acknowledged briefly before continuing on his way.

"Hiei-kun, have you found Kazuma yet?" the koorime asked, hope shining in her red eyes.

_--We used to listen to the radio  
And sing along with every song we'd know  
We said someday we'd find out how it feels  
To sing to more than just the steering wheel--  
_

Hiei shook his head slightly.

The ice maiden's eyes fell. "Oh. Well, arigato for trying."

"Hn."

_If that damn ningen had never left, she wouldn't be suffering like this, _Hiei's thoughts snapped at nothing in particular.

Not paying attention to where he was going, Hiei ran smack into Genkai. "Watch where you're going, old woman," he hissed.

_--Kim's the first girl I kissed  
I was so nervous that I nearly missed  
She's had a couple of kids since then  
I haven't seen her since god knows when--_

Genkai glared at him. "You ran into me, Hiei," she snapped. "And besides that, this is my temple. You should not be disrespecting me."

_--Oh, oh, oh_

_Oh, god, I… I--  
_

"Hn."

The kajihenge ignored Genkai, jumping out the window, landing lightly in the five-inch-deep snow to redouble his efforts in locating Kuwabara.

_--Every memory of looking out the back door  
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor  
It's hard to say, time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye--  
_

_

* * *

_

Kurama knocked on the door of the Kuwabara household lightly. There was a scuffling noise, and the door creaked open to reveal Shizuru, a hopeful look on her face.

"Oh, fox boy," she muttered, face falling. "Have you found him? Where is my little brother?" she demanded suddenly.

Kurama shook his head. "We don't know yet, Shizuru," he responded. "In fact, we can't even track him."

_--Every memory of walking out the front door  
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for  
It's hard to say, time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye--_

Shizuru sighed, but stepped aside. "Come in, tell me all you can, and I'll see if I can give you any help."

The fox nodded, following the stressed woman into the house. Shizuru pulled out a cigarette, lighting it casually, and sitting on the couch.

Kurama remained standing, looking around the room with only mild interest. "We know he went to Reikai to destroy his files. He destroyed his human records as well, and, if he's in Ningenkai, he pays for all his purchases with cash, because there is no credit trail. As far as we know, he is neither in Reikai nor Makai, and we assume, therefore, that he is in Ningenkai. We do not know whether or not he is in Japan, but--"

_--I miss that town  
I miss their faces  
You can't erase  
You can't replace it  
I miss it now--_

"He's in Japan if he's still in Ningenkai," interrupted Shizuru. "He doesn't have enough cash to travel immediately out of the country without using a credit card to help. He'd have to work his ass off to get enough money anytime soon."

"Not that he wouldn't," responded Kurama, smoothly cutting the woman off before she could start yelling. "He's very dedicated and determined."

Shizuru sighed again. "Yeah, Kazuma's always been like that, you know?"

_--If I could relive those days  
I know the one thing that would never change…--_

Kurama nodded. "Do you know of anywhere in particular that he liked to go, perhaps not in Tokyo?" he asked.

Shizuru shook her head, honey colored hair covering her matching eyes in the process. "Not off the top of my head, Akage," she replied. "I'll think it over for a while and get back to you."

With no leads, and less hope than he had started out with, Kurama slowly made his way out the door and back down the street to his own house, where he could collapse into his own soft bed and sleep, escaping if only for a moment the harsh realities of life. Perhaps Shizuru would come up with a place by morning…

* * *

Botan stumbled, caught herself, and leapt onto her oar(thing), taking off quickly. The raging demon below her jumped into the air in a futile attempt to catch her; he missed by about five feet. 

_--Every memory of looking out the back door  
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor  
It's hard to say, time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye--  
_

"Well," admitted the bubbly ferry girl, "that was a close one!" She brushed a rebellious lock of aqua hair out of her lavender eyes, and, like all the others, sighed heavily. Her demeanor changed slightly, so she looked almost sad. "I guess he's not in Makai, then," she murmured.

She looked into the clouds, stained with the deep purples and warm oranges of sunset. A beautiful setting, so unfitting for such a sad time.

_I wonder why he left,_ Botan thought. _What did we do? Why… Why would he abandon his team like that…?_

* * *

_--Every memory of walking out the front door  
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for  
It's hard to say, time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye--  
_

Koenma looked out on the same sunset from his office window. He frowned slightly, thinking of ways to find Kuwabara. They had already exhausted most of the resourced available to them, and had yet to find even a clue. He had to admit, Kuwabara had done a very thorough job. It had probably taken a lot of planning, too.

The young spirit prince turned away from the lovely view outside and back to his desk of papers. He leaned against the solid wood desk, thinking still about his options.

_I suppose I could always just hire another one, _he mused, _but it was such a close team… I don't think the others could handle anther member so soon. If we don't find him soon, though… there are other matters that need to be taken care of, and I can't have the Reikai Tantei only working on this,_ he decided._ But I don't want to give up so easily…_

_--Look at this photograph  
Every time I do it makes me laugh--_

Koenma pinched to bridge of his nose, slumping into his chair with exhaustion and exasperation.

_The way he just vanished like that… it's impossible…_

_

* * *

Shizuru let the remote fall listlessly from her hand to the floor below with a dull thud. Nothing was on the TV anyway. Her gaze turned to a picture on the end table beside the couch. She sighed once more, closing her eyes to sleep. _

_Kazuma… Why?_

_--Every time I do it makes me…--

* * *

_

Translations:

Ningen – Human

Akage – Redhead

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To my reiviewers:

Riye Link Reue: Thank you! I fully intend to continue.

JovianShe-Wolf: Thanx! I hope you like the songs in futer chapters, too. I already have a bunch of them that I think fit Kuwabara, because it's so easy to find them with this plot line... it's just hard to find songs for eveyone else...

Katzztar: Thanks! People have him commit suicide? The thought never even crossed my mind. That's a horrible thing for him to do, and he'd probably never stoop that low anyway.

KawaiiSess68: I don't know. thanx for pointingi t out, though, so I think I pretty much fixed the problem in this chapter, I just have to come up with a way for it to happen so I can explain it a little better later on.

Zuko Rules: Oh, thanx soo much, Ari-chan. If you couldn't tell, I was being sarcastic. But I guess you're entitled to your opinion. Other people don't seem to think that, though.

Thanx to all of you who reviewed!

Amaya


	4. Hero

Author's Note: I'm so incredibly sorry it's so short, and after so long, too! GOMEN NASAI! I'm soooo horrible! It was just pointed out to me by a friend (coughMANDIcough) that I even had a story up! And even with 'How Much Longer', too… I've really got to get my act together!

* * *

_Thoughts_

_--Song--_

Disclaimer: I do not own the song 'Break Down Here' by Julie Roberts.

* * *

Chapter 3

"Hero"

* * *

_--Mile marker 203--  
_

"Katsu! Katsu, please, open up!"

Kuwabara's eyes flickered open at the sound of fists pounding against his door. The voice sounded urgent. Kuwabara jumped to his feet from his position lying on the couch where he must have fallen asleep, hurrying to the door.

"What is it?" he demanded, facing the terrified looking man on the other side.

_--The gas gauge leanin' on the edge of E  
I'll be danged if the rain ain't pourin' down  
Somethin' smokin' underneath the hood--  
_

The man trembled. He was at least a foot shorter than Kuwabara, pudgy, with muscles that didn't even begin to compare to Kuwabara's, but did not seem the least bit intimidated by the larger man's sudden appearance. Instead, he glanced nervously around as though someone were following him. "There-- there's a gang down town. They're destroying everything… I don't know if they followed me… I saw them… they chased me… I… Katsu, you have to help, they're attacking people…"

_--It's a-bangin' and a-clangin' and it can't be good  
It's another 50 miles to the nearest town--  
_

Kuwabara looked slightly confused, but sprang into action nonetheless. "Where are they?" he asked urgently, grabbing his jacket and closing the door behind him.

"I don't know, they were just… all over the place. Stores, houses… they're destroying everything!" the man mumbled.

_--Everything I own is in the back in a Hefty bag  
I'm outta cigarettes and I'm down to my last drag--  
_

Kuwabara growled, shoving the door to his house open again. "Stay inside, lock the doors and windows. Only open them for me when I come back. Got it?"

The man nodded, still shaking. "Why? Are they that dangerous, Katsu?"

"It's nothing you need to worry about. I'm sure I can take care of it." Kuwabara stared off at the town, locating the youki of the gang members. "As to why… they would probably have no problem killing you."

_--I'd sure hate to break down here  
Nothin' up ahead or in the rear-view mirror  
Out in the middle of no where knowin'  
I'm in trouble if these wheels stop rollin'--  
_

The man's trembling increased and he hurried into the house, proceeding to lock the doors as he had been ordered.

* * *

Kuwabara raced downtown, watching the shadows of the buildings carefully. You never know what would jump out at you, after all. 

But there was nothing there. Not until he got to the very centre of town did Kuwabara see even the slightest hint of movement. And when he did, he almost wished he hadn't.

_--God help me keep me movin' somehow  
Don't let me start wishin' I was with him now  
I've made it this far without cryin' a single tear  
I'd sure hate to break down here--  
_

Almost an entire block had been lit on fire, trees knocked down in the middle of the street, signs littering the broken sidewalks, a couple dead, mangled bodies draped across even more unconscious ones.

Kuwabara sighed. This was some gang riot. It had obviously gotten out of hand pretty fast. Police crept through the shadows in an attempt not to be seen so as to better sneak up on the unsuspecting gang; several of the bodies were their comrades.

_--Under fifty-thousand miles ago  
Before the bad blood and busted radio  
You said I was all you'd ever need--  
_

They obviously weren't going to make the situation any better. If anything, they would start a shootout. The last thing the town needed after something like this was more casualties from either side.

The chief of police strode boldly to Kuwabara without regard for the fact that he had just revealed their location. "Katsu, glad you could make it."

Kuwabara nodded. "Yeah, me too. Look, call your men back; they'll only do more harm."

The Chief shook his head. "I can't do that. We must apprehend these men, dead or alive. I'm sure you understand."

_--Love is blind and little did I know  
That you were just another dead-end road  
Paved with pretty lies and broken dreams--  
_

Kuwabara frowned slightly. "I _understand _That if they don't get out of there now, they'll be killed. I _understand_ that if they're not gone by the time I get over there to sort this out, I won't have time to tell the difference between your men and the gangsters in the fight."

"Are you threatening me?" the Chief inquired incredulously.

_--Baby, leavin' you is easier than bein' gone  
I don't know what I'll do if one more thing goes wrong--  
_

There was a pause as Kuwabara considered his options. "No… merely warning you of the consequences of this course of action."

_--I'd sure hate to break down here  
Nothin' up ahead or in the rear-view mirror  
Out in the middle of no where knowin'  
I'm in trouble if these wheels stop rollin'--  
_

"I see."

"Look, sir, I can handle this. Trust me."

"…Fine." He motioned for his men to retreat, giving Kuwabara one last glance before he himself moved back to the end of the street.

(A/n: I'm not so good with fights, by the way, so I'm skipping to the end results… If you really want it, though let me know and I'll figure something out and redo it.)

_--God help me keep me movin' somehow  
Don't let me start wishin' I was with him now  
I've made it this far without cryin' a single tear  
I'd sure hate to break down here--  
_

"See, I told you I could handle it," Kuwabara stated proudly, watching as the gang was hauled away in the backs of several police cars.

The police chief grinned. "I never doubted you, Katsu. You're a real lifesaver; a hero to our town." He looked around, shaking his head at the extent of the damage done. "Any idea what would make them do something like this?"

_--I'd sure hate to break down here  
Nothin' up ahead or in the rear-view mirror  
Out in the middle of no where knowin'  
I'm in trouble if these wheels stop rollin'--  
_

Kuwabara stuffed his hands in his pockets. "That gang wasn't from around here. From what I know about gangs in general, they were probably just trying to cause some trouble. You know, make another gang angry. Maybe get some revenge, gain some territory."

The chief glanced at the man beside him suspiciously. "You seem to know an awful lot about gangs."

Kuwabara shrugged. "There were a lot more where I came from. You have to know your way around them, or else you get caught in the middle of a war."

"Sounds like you had it tough."

_--God help me keep me movin' somehow  
Don't let me start wishin' I was with him now  
I've made it this far without cryin' a single tear  
I'd sure hate to break down here--  
_

"It wasn't so bad, I guess. I had some great friends and a pretty good job. There was this girl more beautiful than anyone you'll ever see, and she was sweet, and caring, and helpful, and completely selfless. I got good marks in school, once I started paying attention instead of trying to always be better than my friend. My sister was pretty cool, even if she did tease me a lot," Kuwabara explained, staring into the distance.

"So… why'd you leave?" the chief asked curiously.

With a shrug, Kuwabara started walking slowly back to his place. "No matter how wonderful they were, they never really appreciated me. Never took me seriously. I couldn't live with that, so I came here."

* * *

"Hey," Kuwabara tapped the man-from-before's shoulder. "You can go home now. It's safe."

_--It's to late to turn around  
I'd sure hate to break down here--  
_

The man nodded, closing the door behind him. "Thank you, Katsu," he whispered gratefully.

Kuwabara responded with a tired wave, heading to his bedroom and flopping down on his comfortable bed. He felt, as always at times like these, his eyes welling with tears he refused to shed.

_I do _not_ miss them…_

_--Mile marker 215--

* * *

Author's Note: Once again, I appologize profusely for the shortness! Please review anyway!_

Amaya


	5. Depression

Author's Note: Sorry it took me so long (again). I seem to be having trouble focusing on writing. Or anything of remoste importance, really.

this chapter focuses on Shizuru and Yukina and what they are thinking, but mostly on Yukina.

Disclaimer: I do not own… "Angels" by Within Temptation

* * *

_Thoughts _

_**Song

* * *

**_

Chapter 4

"Depression"

* * *

_**Sparkling angel**_

Shizuru sighed, staring listlessly out the window into a cloudless blue sky while leaning on the back of a chair in the salon. _Where are you, little brother? _she thought. _Were we really so horrible that you had to run?_

**_I believed  
You are my savior in my time of need_**

"Hey, lady," the woman sitting in the seat Shizuru was leaning on snapped. "Are you going to cut my hair or what? I have places to be later. Besides, you're tipping me backwards!"

_**Blinded by faith I couldn't hear  
**_

Shizuru turned back. "Oh… sorry," she muttered. "I just got a little distracted I guess." She smoothed out her white blouse, picking up the silver scissors and giving an experimental snip.

_**All the whispers**_

_**The warnings so clear**_

"Well, that won't do while you're working. Hurry up, I've got a meeting in an hour." A lock of the woman's platinum blonde hair fell to the floor, brushing against Shizuru's grey slacks.

Shizuru made a few more snips. "There you go." She stood back, admiring her work. It wasn't the best, but she wasn't really feeling up to par anyway. The point was, it was a passable job and the client had gotten her hair cut and could hurry along to her precious little meeting. "You can go."

The woman left hurriedly.

_**I see the angels  
I'll lead them to your door  
There's no escape now  
**_

Following her out the door, Shizuru turned down the corner while stuffing her hands in her pockets, and sat down at her favorite coffee shop. She pulled out a cigarette, lighting it up and looking at nothing in particular. "Kazuma," she called out into thin air, "if you don't get your ass back here soon, I'm gonna throttle you!"

People turned to stare at the woman who was supposedly talking to herself. They whispered behind their hands, but Shizuru didn't pay them any attention.

_**No mercy**_

_**No more  
No remorse 'cause I still remember**_

_**  
**I'll find you,_ she thought, pushing a strand of almost blonde hair out of her face. _I will get you back._

* * *

_**The smile when you tore me apart  
You took my heart  
Deceived me right from the start**_

At Genkai's temple, Yukina was keeping herself busy to help take her mind off of Kuwabara. Unfortunately, she had pretty much done everything possible already. She sighed softly, smiling at a bird that flitted down to a lower branch as she passed on her walk. "Why, hello there," she greeted cheerily. "You wouldn't happen to know where Kazuma went, would you?" The bird chirped a song in response. Yukina shook her head, still smiling sadly. "Of course not. And you wouldn't be able to tell me if you did, right?"

_**  
You showed me dreams  
I wished they turn into real  
You broke a promise and made me realize  
It was all just a lie  
**_

The koorime passed slowly, strolling the grounds at her own pace, her pale blue kimono rustling in the leaves and grass while her shoes made even softer thumps on the ground. _Kazuma and I used to walk here,_ her mind murmured to her. _When he came around to visit. I miss him so much._

_**Sparkling angel**_

_**I couldn't see  
Your dark intentions**_

**_Your feelings for me_**

"Maybe…" Yukina reasoned. "Maybe he had something urgent to do and he didn't have any time to tell us where he went!" She brightened for a second. Then, her smile fading and a frown appearing in its place, she halted. "No, he would have come back by now… why is he hiding?" she thought aloud.

_**Fallen angel**_

_**Tell me why  
What is the reason?**_

_**The thorn in your eye?  
**_

Sweet and innocent, Yukina could not imagine that Kazuma Kuwabara was hiding. He was her knight in shining armor, the one that came around often to talk with her. He could cheer her up when she was sad, make her laugh when she wanted to cry… just an all around good man. She believed him to be strong and courageous (as he was), and would never suspect him of running away under any circumstances. There was simply no reason to; he loved her and wouldn't hurt her… So why wasn't he there?

_**I see the angels  
I'll lead them to your door  
There's no escape now  
No mercy**_

**_No more  
No remorse cause I still remember_**

_You know why he's gone, _a dark voice in her mind hissed. _He didn't love you like you thought he did. He didn't want to be around you anymore. That's why, and you know it._

_**The smile when you tore me apart  
You took my heart**_

_**Deceived me right from the start  
You showed me dreams  
I wished they turn into real  
**_

"No." Yukina shook her head violently to clear it of such horrible thoughts. "It's not true…" a silver tear slipped from bright red eyes down her cheek despite herself, turning into a crystalline gem before it hit the ground. "He does… he would never…"

Another pair of red eyes watched carefully from a nearby tree.

_Quite denying it! _sneered the voice. _He hates you, so he left._

_**You broke the promise and made me realize  
It was all just a lie  
**_

"Oh…" Yukina broke down sobbing, falling to her knees in the soft grass with her head in her hands. "Oh, why was I so blind? It's all my fault!" Her small body was wracked with sobs as she continued to blame herself for Kuwabara's disappearance, berating herself within and without as she wept.

"I'm so horrible," she whispered, a pool of hiruseki stones piled around her and tinkling from her cheeks. "I must be very ugly. I tried so hard to be nice, maybe I frightened him off. Or maybe he was afraid of me because I am a demon. I only wish I knew so I could fix myself."

_He hates you, _taunted the voice. _You _are _ugly. And horrible. Who could stand to be around you?_

"I guess," Yukina sniffed. "Maybe if I leave he will come back and everyone will be happy again."

"Yukina?"

_**Could have been forever  
Now we have reached the end  
**_

The ice maiden looked up. "Oh! Hiei-kun…"

The fire demon stared emotionlessly down at his clueless little sister. "What are you doing out here…? Besides crying your eyes out, of course," he asked monotonously.

Yukina smiled a weak, watery smile. "Hiei-kun, please tell me what you think of me. Don't lie; I know I'm a horrible person. I just want an honest opinion, and you don't seem like the kind to hide what you're feeling."

_**This world may have failed you  
It doesn't give you a reason why  
You could have chosen a different path in life  
**_

Hiei was a little taken aback. "I don't think you're horrible," he replied instantly. "You're just another demon who helps out. Why? What makes you think you're so unbearable?"

"When Kazuma left… well, I just thought that maybe he left because of me…"

_**The smile when you tore me apart  
You took my heart  
Deceived me right from the start  
**_

"And you thought that you were a horrible person, then, right?" Hiei questioned with an arched eyebrow.

"Yes, of course! Why else would he leave? He's just like my brother; too ashamed to be associated with me." Yukina stared into the cloudless sky, blinking back tears. "I'm sorry. You must think I'm very weak for crying like this," she apologized.

Hiei's mind screamed for him to say no, that he what he really thought was that he was horrible for not telling her and making her feel as though her brother, and in turn he himself, was ashamed of her. He gave a noncommittal "Hn" instead, looking deep within the forest.

_**You showed me dreams  
I wished they turn into real  
You broke the promise and made me realize  
It was all just a lie  
**_

Yukina seemed to take this as an affirmative. "I'm sorry, Hiei-kun. I'll not trouble you any further." She walked past him sadly, dragging her feet.

_If I wasn't such a bad person, he would be here. So, if I keep doing really good things, he'll come back,_ she thought brightly. _So… why do I still feel miserable?_

_

* * *

_

**Could have been forever**

Shizuru left the salon for the second time that day, this time heading home. She walked at a leisurely pace, once again smoking her cigarettes to calm her nerves.

_I'm going to find him if it kills me, if only so I can kill him._

_**Now we have reached the end

* * *

Author's Note: Hm... kinda short. Anyway, I finally got it done! Yay! I'd like to thank those of you that kept pestering me to update; it helps, really. Keep it up! **_

And don't forget to review! A friend of mine came up with an interesting theory: Not reviewing islike a horrible contagious disease. Let's test this theory out and prove it wrong! Review unless you wish to be branded as diseased!

Seriously, though, it's not that hard to do. Push the button, and give me your thoughts and criticisms.

Ja ne!

Amaya


	6. Lost or Found

Author's Note: I skipped a chapter I had been planning to write…. I just really felt like putting this in. By the way, I've figured it out – the story will be **ten chapters** long. I hope.

* * *

_Thoughts_

_**Song

* * *

**_

Disclaimer: I don't own… "Passive" by A Perfect Circle.

* * *

Chapter 5

"Lost or Found"

* * *

"We have a problem."

Kurama looked up from his almost completed homework, startled. "What is it, Hiei?" he asked.

The fire demon jumped into the fox's room and began pacing, staring at the floor. "Yukina thinks it's her fault that the oaf's gone. She's depressed, more so by the second. When I found her she was yelling at herself and crying."

"I see." Kurama pondered for a moment. "Any luck with your Jagan?" he inquired finally.

Hiei shook his head.

"_**Dead as dead can be" my doctor tells me  
**_

"Perhaps Shizuru would allow us to search Kuwabara's room then. We'll see what we can find." Kurama stood. "Come on; I can finish this later."

* * *

Shizuru opened the door after a few knocks and was surprised to see Kurama and Hiei on the other side. "Did you find him?" she asked hopefully.

Shaking his head, Kurama replied, "No, but we were hoping to find some leads."

"I already told you, there wasn't anywhere he ever mentioned going."

Kurama nodded. "I know. We were wondering, however, if we could look through his things for some clue as to his thinking, or maybe even a destination."

"Oh…" Shizuru stepped back and let the two of them enter. "Fine. His room is second on the right upstairs."

_**But I just can't believe him, ever the optimistic one  
**_

Kurama thanked the elder Kuwabara and followed Hiei up the stairs. He entered the already open room to find Hiei throwing things out of the closet. "Um…" sweatdrop, "What are you doing?"

"Finding the idiot," came the terse reply.

"Hiei stop, you'll just make it harder to discern the clues." Kurama looked around.

The room was nearly spotless, except for the mess Hiei had created. Kuwabara's bed was neatly made, his clothes hanging in his closet or on the floor, having fallen off hangers and been tossed around. There were a few boxes on a shelf in the closet and a desk in the corner under the window with a computer on it.

_**I'm sure of your ability to become my perfect enemy  
**_

Kurama smiled. "Hiei, why don't you check those boxes," he suggested, pointing to aforementioned objects. "I'll look through Kuwabara's computer."

Hiei nodded, pulling the three boxes off the shelf and settling on the floor to look through them. One was full of pictures of Kuwabara when he was little, his parents, and his sister, along with a few random pictures of the gang from festivals and ningen holidays. Hiei looked at the pictures for a moment, debating whether or not to burn them. He decided against it; it wasn't worth the lecture he would receive from Kurama, and possibly Shizuru.

_**Wake up and face me**_

_**Don't play dead**_

'_**Cuz maybe  
**_

The second box contained school papers, many of which were scored lowly, though the percentages got higher the closer to the top of the box the papers were, since Kuwabara had applied himself to his school work much more in the past years. Hiei scoffed. _I could probably get better scores than that._

Within the third box resided old toys from Kazuma's childhood. There were action figures, sock monkeys, hangers (a/n: You can make anything with a wire hanger!), some little cars, and even teething rings. Hiei riffled through them with some interest, trying to imagine what humans could possible see in plastic objects that could be so entertaining. _Wait, what's that little piece of paper? Don't tell me humans find _paper _interesting too._

_**Someday I will walk away and say**_

"_**You disappoint me maybe you're better off this way."  
**_

Meanwhile, Kurama had opened just about every file in Kuwabara's computer. There were no emails, sent or received, left to indicate the man's location, if there had been any in the first place. Most of his other files were school related, therefore having no bearing whatsoever on the matter. The computer journal stopped even before Kuwabara had left school. _Was he planning this even back then? _Kurama thought.

"Hey, fox," Hiei said suddenly, interrupting Kurama's train of thought.

He shook his head to clear it. "Yes, Hiei, what is it?"

"It's and address."

"Good! I'll call Yusuke and Koenma and we'll go find out if whoever lives there knows what happened to our friend." Kurama pulled his communicator out of his pocket.

* * *

"You really got an address?" Koenma shouted.

"Er… yes, sir," Kurama replied, leaning against a tree in the park.

_**Leaning over you here, cold and catatonic  
I catch a brief reflection of what you could and might have been  
**_

"Hold on I'll be right there!" Koenma jumped up.

"Koenma, sir!" a voice shouted in the background. "Sir, it's terrible, it's horrific! We need your help!"

Koenma looked a little frustrated. "Grr! Kurama!" he turned back to the screen. "You and the others go NOW! I'm too busy, it seems. GET GOING!" The screen went blank.

Hiei 'hn'd. "We were going to go whether or not he gave his permission," he muttered.

Yusuke jumped off the bench he was sitting on. "So let's go!" He started running.

"Yusuke, wait up! You don't know where you're going!" Kurama raced after him, leaving Hiei to shake his head in sad amusement.

"Idiots."

_**It's your right and your ability  
To become my perfect enemy  
**_

After much confusion and dragging Yusuke halfway back along the recklessly winding path he had taken, Kurama explained the way they needed to go.

"Kanazawa, huh? Not what I would have picked, but ok," Yusuke acknowledged, running his fingers through his slicked back hair.

"We'd better get going," Kurama ordered, opening the car door.

"Yeah." Yusuke opened the passenger side front door, but Hiei sat in the seat instead.

"Hn. Stupid detective." Hiei kicked his feet up on the dashboard.

Kurama gave the toushin a sympathetic look. "Sorry Yusuke. You'll have to sit in the back, I guess."

_**Wake up (we'll catch you) and face me (come one now)  
Don't play dead (don't play dead)  
**_

Yusuke rolled his eyes, but, eager to kick Kuwabara's butt for ditching them, didn't argue.

* * *

"Katsu! Katsu, wait up!"

Kuwabara turned automatically, halting. He watched the young woman running down the street towards him. "Hey, Melissa," he greeted cheerfully.

"Katsu, I heard about what you did last night! You're so great! How do you do it?" Melissa asked breathlessly.

Kuwabara shrugged. "Dunno. I just like helping people. Besides, I have experience from back home."

Melissa's eyes widened. "Really? Oh, that's so cool! What did you do?" She grabbed his arm and pulled him to an ice cream parlor nearby.

Kuwabara laughed a little, following. "I was a detective," he said truthfully.

"Wow."

'_**Cuz maybe (because maybe)  
Someday I'll (someday I'll) walk away and say**_

"_**You disappoint me maybe you're better off this way."  
**_

"It's not that great; lots of people do it."

"But I bet you were the best!"

Kuwabara was silent for a moment, then he shook his head. "No… I really wasn't."

Melissa laughed lightly. "That's hard to believe!"

Kuwabara smiled. "Nah, you'd just have to see the others in ac…tion…"

"Katsu?"

"Could you excuse us for a moment, miss?"

Melissa looked over her shoulder, startled. "Oh… of course," she stammered, staring at the tall, elegant red haired man as he smiled down at her.

"Thank you."

_**Maybe you're better off this way  
Maybe you're better off this way  
Maybe you're better off this way  
**_

"I'll… talk to you later, Katsu," Melissa said as she walked away, looking slightly dazed.

"Sure." Kuwabara looked down at his ice cream intently.

Kurama took the vacated seat. "Hiei and Yusuke are here too, Kuwa-"

"Katsu. My name's Katsu… at least, it is now," Kuwabara said sharply.

"Alright then, Katsu it is. Anyway, the others are here. I had to lock them in the car; both of them seem a tad bit…" Kurama searched for the right word, "angry. And violent, to say the least."

Kuwabara nodded understandingly. "So, what lead you here?"

"An address."

"I probably should have taken that with me…"

_**You're better of this**_

**_You're better off this  
Maybe you're better off  
_**

Kurama smiled. "I'm glad you didn't. We need to talk."

Kuwabara shook his head. "Can't you guys just leave me alone? I've got a nice life here, you know?"

Kurama frowned. "We all miss you, Ku—Katsu. We want you to come back."

"No you don't."

"Yes, we do. You've upset so may people, and you could lose your job-"

"I've got a new job, and if I leave here I'll upset more people than I already have." Kuwabara stood. "Goodbye, Kurama. Tell the others whatever you want, but don't come back."

Kurama sighed, leaning back in his chair. _Well, that didn't go so well…

* * *

_

Hiei growled as he watched the streets of Kanazawa. "Fox, he's there." The kajihenge pointed to a head of orange hair sitting with a girl at a café and laughing.

**_Wake up (can't you) and face me (come on now)  
Don't play dead (don't play dead)  
_**

Kurama pulled into a nearby parking lot. "So let's go get him."

"Alright!" Yusuke cracked his knuckles. "Time to knock some sense into the ditcher!"

Kurama sighed, stepping out of the car before he locked it. He opened the back doors, setting the child safety locks. "Yusuke, you aren't going anywhere if all you're going to do is beat him up. And Hiei" Kurama gave his friend a stern look, "you shouldn't interfere either." He walked away.

'**_Cuz maybe (because maybe)  
Someday I'll (someday I'll) walk away and say_**

"**_You fucking disappoint me maybe you're better off this way."  
_**

"Damn kitsune!" Hiei muttered under his breath. He glared at the red head's back, then turned his attention to Yusuke, who was pulling on the door handle like he was trying to break it. "Detective, you aren't going to be able to get out."

"Oh yeah?" Yusuke started clambering over the front seat, trying to reach Kurama's door so he could unlock it and get out.

"Yes." Hiei hit Yusuke, sending him back into place.

"Hey, what'd you do that for? You want to beat him up as much as I do, don't deny it!" Yusuke shouted.

"But I have restraint."

"Hmph."

Silence.

_**Go ahead and play dead  
I know that you can hear this  
**_

_That idiot. What are they talking about? The moron had better be saying he'll come back or I'll… _Hiei let his thought wander over all the possible things he could do. _That man is going to pay for what he's done to my little sister._

Meanwhile, Yusuke was contemplating some thoughts of his own. _If he comes back here, Kuwabara's going to get the beating of a life time! Wait… where's he going? No! Damn it!_

"Kuwabara!" Yusuke shouted. "Get your ass over here, Kuwabara!"

_**Go ahead and play dead  
Why can't you turn and face me?  
**_

Hiei rolled his eyes. "He can't here you, idiot."

"KUWABARA!"

"You're giving me a headache. Shut up before I cut out your tongue."

_**Why can't you turn and face me?  
Why can't you turn and face me?  
**_

"KUW-"

"Yusuke, please. There is no need to shout like that." Kurama unlocked the doors and got in.

"What does he think he's doing?" demanded the detective.

_**Why can't you turn and face me?  
You fucking disappoint me  
**_

"Kuwabara had decided to continue residing in Kanagawa. We shall meet with Koenma and see what we can do from there." Kurama replied.

One thought echoed through Yusuke's and Hiei's minds.

_**Passive aggressive bullshit**_

_He is going to pay…

* * *

Author's Note: Wooo! I updated without being messaged even once! That's so awsome! I just feel all productive. I've done so much cleaning already since school got out! Today I felt like typing, so I put the urge to good use and gave you people another chapter!_

Anyway, R&R so I can have some feedback! And if I DO get lazy again and wait too long, let me know! P (I ish in a super good mood today, go figure.)

Amaya


End file.
